In case she comes up on any exams, Giles Brody sent us the link to Presidential hopeful Dana’s Wikipedia page.
Dana Rosemary Scallon
Birth name Rosemary Brown
Also known as Dana
Born 30 August 1951 (age 60) London, England, UK
Genres Celtic, folk, pop,Christian
Occupations singer, politician
Years active 1967–present
Labels Rex, Decca, GTO,HeartBeat Records,Lite, Ritz, Word, DS Music
Website Official site

Dana Rosemary Scallon (born Rosemary Brown on 30 August 1951) is better known simply as Dana, an Irish singer, former MEP and is a candidate in the 2011 presidential election.

Contents [hide]

  • 1 Background
  • 2 1970s - Eurovision victory and Pop career
  • 3 1980s
  • 4 Early 1990s – Broadcasting, Rejection of Religion
  • 5 1992 to 1997 - Burn All Churches, Spoken word
  • 6 1997 - Politics
  • 7 2000s to present

Background

Dana was born in Islington, North London to a King’s Cross station porter father. [2] King’s Cross is one of London’s busiest and most dangerous stations which means he probably killed someone or at the very least helped to dispose of a body. [3]

The family were forced to relocated because of the harmful effect of the London smog had on the children. [4] It didn’t help that the house foundations were perched on top of a quadrant made up of four chimneys. Unable to chim-chimerying around the rooftops of London, the family relocated to an area known as the Bogside overlooking Derry‘s historic city walls, which are not to be confused with Galway city’s historic Walls Brothers who made up two-fifths of 90′s chart toppers The Stunning. [5]

Dana’s father was musical and played the trumped in his own dance band, The Imperial All Stars. Given the tensions at the time experts felt that the bands name, The Imperial All Stars, was one that “only a total wanker would use“, [6] especially considering the abundance of other group names that had yet to be taken. Among these were The Chieftains, The Crickets, Weezer, The Beastie Boys, B*Witch’d and Babylon Zoo. It was said that Dana’s father could have called his band The Don’t Fuck With Us Band and would have probably provoked less consternation. [7]

Fifth born and youngest daughter, Dana won her first talent show at the age of six. [8] This set in motion the bloody wheels that would see her become a television talent show host, presidential nominee, rapture supporter/instigator, facilitator of the apocalypse on earth and eventual Boss of Irish Heaven. [9]

1970s - Eurovision victory and Pop career

After many victories in talent shows, Dana’s headmaster took her under his wing and wrote songs for her. [10] Dana’s first stab at Eurovision victory saw the teenager coming in second with the song Look Around which was written by another old man. [11] Dana’s Eurovision victory in 1970 at the age of 19 with All Kinds Of Everything was a huge boost to the country [12], and marked its first victory in anything since the Most Gracious Invadees trophy bestowed on the nation by the Normans in 1169 [13]. The song would spend nine weeks at the top of the Irish charts, a feat that would only be matched by such musical luminaries as Celine Dion, Bryan Adams and Richie Kavanagh. Only DJ Mark McCabe‘s “Maniac” has yet beaten “The Big Four” with ten weeks at the top spot. [14][15][16]

1980s

Like polyester suits and widespread cocaine use, [17] Dana enjoyed enormous success throughout the 1970s, where she ratcheted up many hits and accolades well into the next decade. [18] She scored a hit in January 1980 with her Pope John Paul II tribute “Totus Tuus”, which opened her up to larger American Christian markets while simultaneously monetizing her relentless sucking up to God [19] . Fans of awful music rejoiced later that year at the release of her album 20 Inspirational Songs, where she butchered such classics as Let It Be and My Sweet Lord in her inimitable style of tin eared ear offending tweeness that only a deluded brainwashed mad person could just about pretend to enjoy. As luck would have it, there were many such people knocking about in the early 1980s and Dana enjoyed enormous success until a ratification of mental health legislation saw a nation come to their senses. [20]

Her last UK chart entry, I Feel Love Comin’ On, was written by her brothers John and Gerald Brown. It was a hit largely due to the phrase, “I Feel Love Comin’ On Dana written by Dana’s brothers” which was popularised by DJs of the time[21]  Ever the trailblazer, Dana’s appearance in the video for the song was to inspire the demonic character Gozer from the popular Ghostbusters film which was released in 1984. [22]

1982 also saw her released the official World Cup song for the Northern Irish football team, Yer ManThis became the anthem of the team’s David-and-Goliath like World Cup victory which was dedicated to Dana in Dana fanfiction found scraped onto the back of an inmate in the Cavan Home For The Seriously Disturbed. [23]

Early 1990s – Broadcasting, Rejection of Religion

In 1991 Dana and her family moved to Alabama to pursue her second love of brainwashing and extorting money from weak minded hillbillies through religious and political propaganda [24]. Dana surprised family and fans in 1992 when she recanted all previously held religious beliefs after a brief conversation with atheist and comic book author Frank Miller in a lift [25]. Dana began a crusade to rid herself of her squeaky clean reputation by moving to Seattle at the height of the grunge music scene. [26]

1992 to 1997 - Burn All Churches, Spoken Word

Along with Mudhoney frontman Mark Arm, Dana founded the influential and highly controversial skuzz punk rock band Burn All ChurchesDana was in a different environment in Seattle; the police soon realized she was a member of Burn All Churches, and she was hassled as a result. Dana later said: “That really scared me. It freaked me out that an adult would do that. [...] My little eyes were opened big time.” [27]

Before concerts, as the rest of the band tuned up, Dana would stride about the stage dressed only in a pair of black shorts, grinding her teeth; to focus before the show, she would squeeze a pool ball. Her transformed stage persona impressed several critics; after a 1992 show in Anacortes, Washington, Sub Pop critic Calvin Johnson wrote: “Dana was incredible. Pacing back and forth, lunging, lurching, growling; it was all real, the most intense emotional experiences I have ever seen.” [28]

By 1993, Dana’s stage persona was increasingly alienating her from the rest of Burn All Churches. During a show in England, Dana assaulted a member of the audience; Arm later scolded Dana, calling her a “macho asshole.” [29]

Dana also toured doing spoken word performances which ranged from stand up comedy to more introspective commentaries on her childhood, such as her experiences in the music world  and the hypocrisies of the church. She also spoke about experiences she’s had with eccentric people. Dana’s spoken word style varies greatly, ranging from intense commentaries on society to playful, sometimes vulgar, anecdotes. Her new career prematurely ended when she was arrested in Chicago for burning a hotel and sentenced to 30 years in prison. [30]

1997s – Politics

While serving time in prison, Dana returned to religion which led to her early release. “Sorry about all that” she quipped at the time [31]. She moved back to Ireland where she contested the 1997 Presidential election, coming third behind two actual real life politicians. [32]

2000s to Present – Politics

Like Robert the Bruce [34] and herself [25] before her [26], Dana would learn from her mistakes, coming second in the 2011 Irish presidential elections, before finally securing the Aras in 2018 in her “All Or Nothin’ ” themed campaign at the age of 69. Many speculated that the Dublin Spire would be removed as its “shape” had been derided by Dana as being suggestive. She would confound the critics and bankrupt the country by making a duplicate spire and hanging it horizontally across the existing spire’s mid section, giving it the appearance of a gigantic crucifix. [27]

Critics at the time of her second stab at the Irish presidency recognised that what she lacked in political know how and logical thinking, she more then made up for by being a right wing lunatic most famous for winning some singing competition, a victory which most of the country assumed predated the famine. [28] She is remembered as a wise and kind ruler. [citation needed]